Advent 2015: Day 15

I was up in the middle of the night for quite a while last night. So many thoughts and fears and worries swirling in my brain. One thing that I have learned, which I try to remind myself of during those sleepless nights, is that things always seem more desperate and scary and hopeless in the dark of night. When morning comes, many of those fears fade away and even seem a bit silly. Light drives out the darkness. The worries don't always go completely away but they seem more manageable by the light of day. This season of advent is spent awaiting the light of the world who ultimately defeated the darkness once and for all. The waiting is worth it.

Advent 2015: Days 13 & 14

Peace has been a recurring theme over the past few days. The Christmas program that the kids were in yesterday told the story of the English and German soldiers who found common ground and came together on the battlefield on Christmas Eve during World War I. It is such a great example of how we are all just human at our core, living in this fallen world and trying to do what we believe is best. Even if what we each believe is best are worlds apart. It's hard for me to understand those who think war and fighting and killing is a good option ever, but I know they probably also wouldn't understand my desire for understanding and empathy and peace even when wronged. 

A song that we sang later in the service has these two verses that just get to me every time.

1. 
   
   3.  And in despair I bowed my head:
   "There is no peace on earth," I said,
   "For hate is strong and mocks the song
   Of peace on earth, good will to men."
   
   
   At this point in the song the despair feels so real and it is totally real in a sense. On this earth we will continue to struggle with hate and discord. But. Then this verse:
2. 4. Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:
   "God is not dead, nor doth he sleep;
   The wrong shall fail, the right prevail,
   With peace on earth, good will to men."
   
   
   Tears spring to my eyes every time I sing those words. There is truth in them, even as we struggle and see the world around us seemingly destroying itself. We have to live in the tension for a while longer. But the wrong shall fail and right prevail. Love has already won. Someday we will know true peace. For now I think we have to sow it where we can and keep hoping for it to grow.
   
   
   Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me.
   
   

Advent 2015: Day 12

Today was full of fun with my niece and nephew. They are both full of creative energy, and energy in general! They are snugglers and randomly burst into song many times throughout the day. So full of joy and life! I think time with them was just what I needed this weekend, even though it's a little bit exhausting. I need those reminders of what it is to be carefree and full of childlike enthusiasm.

Advent 2015: Day 11

I had to break from tradition because this picture just captures the idea that I've been thinking about since yesterday. The light has begun to break through the darkness. I have had a rough week. The despair and sadness that I've felt were thick and stifling. But yesterday something began to change. I can't say what it was for certain but I was greeted with the fiery morning sky at sunrise and I began to realize that there is still beauty. I began looking for more. And kept finding it. In my family and my friendships. In Christmas songs and the twinkle lights on my tree.  If I keep my eyes and my heart open, I am able to notice that there is beauty all around me. And with that beauty I find a bit of hope. Light. On my way home last night, I saw a rainbow bursting out a vibrant sky. And then I turned a corner and saw and equally amazing sunset. All day I have been reflecting on the events and images of yesterday and am so grateful for those reminders of beauty and light and hope.

Advent 2015: Days 7-10

Well, I've missed a few days of writing here. Partly because I just got really busy, but also partly because darkness suddenly and swiftly overwhelmed me. When life feels hopeless, how do we find and hold on to hope? The answer to that question is what I'm chasing these days.

Advent 2015: Day 6

Today my pastor talked about emptying ourselves so that we may be filled. About how we can't manufacture our own transformation. About waiting. All things that seemed to cut right to the heart of my struggles. I just wanted to weep and weep. I did so a bit, actually. I feel hollowed out. He said that to not have anything left means I'm ready to be filled by something that I don't yet know. That is somewhat terrifying. And yet hopeful. Like Advent. I am instructed to sit, without expectations, in my naked vulnerability. Empty. Waiting.

It reminds me of Aaron Niequist's song:

My life is cracked in ways
that I don't understand,
And there are holes inside I never planned.
But this roller coaster,
Is how you pull me closer.
And I trust that You are who You made me for.

And I will stay empty,
I will keep waiting;
I will stay empty,
Until you fill me up and I
I will stay empty,
I will keep waiting,
Until You fill me up with You.

Send Your floods to help me
clean out my heart's space,
Please come quickly, it's so hard to wait.
This world is temporary,
I cry for sanctuary!
And throw myself into the strongest arms of Hope

It may come soon,
And maybe it won't.
I want to run
But I know You don't.
I give You my heart,
And trust You in faith.
And cling to the blessings
I anticipate!

I guess my challenge right now is to ask myself what needs to go in order for something else to come and fill me? And to keep waiting. The light is coming. It will break through the darkness this Advent season. And maybe through the darkness in my heart sometime soon as well.

Advent 2015: Day 5

Today was mostly full of travel. I am finally home and ready to sleep in my own bed. As I prepare to ease/jump headfirst back into life's normal fast pace, I took a few minutes this evening to just sit and be quiet in the gentle glow of Christmas tree lights. There is something so calm and peaceful about those little twinkle lights. Light shining through the darkness. That is the hope that I grasp as I sit quietly and wait.

Advent 2015: Day 4

Today is my last day of vacation. It's funny because all of a sudden, usually as soon as I begin packing, I just want to be at home. I held off packing until the evening so I could just enjoy the day and be present here for as long as possible. It's almost like the opposite of anticipation. 

I didn't have any super thrilling reflections on advent today but I think that I did a pretty good job of being present. That is something that I will probably struggle with daily during this season and I'm sure it will be more difficult when I'm back to the busy-ness of life next week. But for today I enjoyed the beach, the rain, the delicious dinner with my family and my last moments of reading outside on the balcony. It is a practice that I want to make a natural part of my daily life.

Advent 2015: Day 3

Today was cloudy and a bit rainy...quite different from the sunny beauty earlier in the week. But still beautiful in it's own way. The rain brought about a slower pace with less to "do" and more time to just "be". I read a book, took a nap, sat by the pool while the warm rain sprinkled lightly down around me. I think that slowing down can sometimes be forced upon us by the weather and the fact that Advent falls during winter where I live seems about right. When the snow falls and the wind blows arctic air, it's easier to want to stay inside, slowing down by choice and occasionally by necessity. Regardless of the weather, I hope to make the choice to be rather than do more often than not this season.

Advent 2015: Day 2

Sometimes I wonder why certain things are in the Bible. Not just whole stories (especially the ones where it seems like war and killing are ok with God, or maybe even encouraged...what???) but certain words or phrases. Now, I'm not someone who has studied the Bible or the history and culture of the day, but I do find it interesting to think that the Bible is God's word and things are not just accidentally thrown in it!

My friends are memorizing the Christmas story with their kids this Advent season and since it's just a really great idea I asked if I could be a copycat! The verse for today is this: "(This was the first census that took place while Quirinius was governor of Syria.)" -Luke 2:2

What??? Who cares??? Why would this be added, even just as a side note? It was even totally in parentheses in the passage! Like, "oh, by the way..." The somewhat exasperating thing about me is that I don't actually care enough to do the research. Or even think about it for longer than a minute or two. And, honestly, I don't even need the answer. The questions are enough for me to ponder.

I think questioning is important. But getting all the answers just right is maybe less so? What are we really supposed to learn from what we read in the Bible? The facts? The gist? Somewhere in between? There are probably many people who have spent a lot of time studying that particular verse in Luke and perhaps have answers to my questions about its purpose and importance in the story. But there are likely many other verses or stories that just cannot be explained very easily or are the source of much controversy among Bible scholars. How should we read the Bible? Can we just take what we like and ignore the parts we don't understand or agree with? Why would I take the time to actually memorize this verse if it makes no sense at all to me? Do I have to figure out it's meaning in order to determine it's importance?

I guess what this ultimately said to me today was that there always is a reason, even if I don't understand, for what is in the Bible. And it's ok to not understand why in each case. Even the truly perplexing ones. Seeking after God's truth and listening for His voice as I read the Bible is enough at this moment. The answers may come or they may not. But I can choose to be faithful and content with either scenario.

Advent 2015: Day 1

Today is the first day of Advent. I'd like to attempt to be more intentional this season. To really make time to soak in the actual truth of what it means to prepare the way for the birth of that tiny baby that came to save the world. One way of doing that is to take time to think a bit each day and write down some of what I'm discovering. My daily reading this morning had some interesting imagery about Advent that I really liked. I'm borrowing some of those words for today's post.

"What is coming upon the world is the Light of the World. It is Christ. That is the comfort of it. The challenge of it is that it has not come yet. Only the hope for it has come, only the longing for it. In the meantime we are in the dark, and the dark, God knows, is also in us. We watch and wait for a holiness to heal us and hallow us, to liberate us from the dark. Advent is like the hush in a theater just before the curtain rises. It is like the hazy ring around the winter moon that means the coming of snow which will turn the night to silver. Soon. But for the time being, our time, darkness is where we are." - Frederick Buechner, Listening to Your Life

I know that it says that the challenge is in the waiting, and I think that is true. But, also, I find that there is some comfort in the words, "But for the time being, our time, darkness is where we are." It shows me that I'm not alone in this waiting. In the darkness. The Light is coming and because I'm in the dark, I look forward to it all the more. Also, the hush in the theater and the hazy ring around the winter moon are not scary images, but sort of beautiful and mysterious ones. That is Advent. There is beauty and mystery in the waiting. In the darkness. In the anticipation of what is to come.

Emmy!

Tonight Em came over for dinner and I made my mom's Chicken Tetrazinni recipe. Yum!

Karen and Keren

Yay! I got to spend a little time with these lovelies tonight!

Lens

Today my new lens arrived! So exciting! Looking forward to learning some new skills!

Hope

This is my mantra today.

Into the Woods

Went to see this movie again with Karen and Stephanie. I loved it even more this time!

May the Force be with you!

Today was Keren's Star Wars themed birthday party! It was so much fun and the snacks/decorations were incredible! I love a good theme!

Owlie

My nephew, with a little help from my niece, made me this cute, little, one-eared owl. It just makes me smile!

Yum!

One of my friends brought me this cookie today. It was not only adorable but super yummy!

Book Club Book

Re-reading this classic for book club this month!

Popcorn & Tears

Karen and I saw The Theory of Everything tonight. I cried off and on throughout the whole movie. So did Karen. Very good but heart-wrenching movie. An Oscar worthy performance by Eddie Redmayne as Stephen Hawking.

Juanito

I asked Juanito to pose for me after zumba and this is what he did. No hesitation. Gotta love him. :)

Little Hen

Spent some more time with my family before we all headed our separate directions once more. Henry just cracks me up with his unique little personality!

Emmy

My family spent a good portion of the day together, swimming, out to dinner, then Emily and I went to get coffee and see a movie. Fun day!

Pizza/Movie Night

Made super yummy pizza and watched O Brother, Where Art Thou for pizza/movie night with the Moores. Do not seek the treasure. Bwahahahaha!

Honeybell

One of my co-workers gives me a honeybell orange every year. As far as I'm concerned, this is as good as an orange can get. So juicy and sweet and incredible tasting!!! Mmmmmmmm.

Legwarmers

Because it is so cold outside I have begun wearing legwarmers with my workout capris on the way to and from zumba. I feel so totally 80's!

Jannalee

I spent this evening chatting with Jannalee and catching up on life over a cup of coffee. I love this girl! She has so much energy and such a desire to make a difference in the world. She inspires me!

Finished

Tonight I finally finished my book for book club. It has taken me a little while since I haven't had lots of extra time but I powered through over half of it in the last day or two. My kindle was begging to be charged!

Friends

I was able to spend some quality time with two of my favorite people today. They both happen to be named Karen! Although one spells it Keren. Both amazing friends!

Cozy slippers

Staying in and reading and just trying to stay warm on this frigid winter evening.

Comfort food

We have had a major winter storm over the past 24 hours. Ice, snow, bitter cold. Its so nice to curl up under a blanket and eat some yummy roasted root veggies for dinner while catching up on NCIS.

Snow and ice and COLD!!!

Tonight we are under a winter weather warning. We could get up to 1 1/2 feet of snow and the wind chill is supposed to be harsh. Yet, there is still some beauty to be found in it.

Celebrating Bryan

Today we celebrated Bryan's birthday in our team meeting. This picture just makes me really happy! What a great guy!

Steve Garufi! Wrote a book!

This came in the mail today! My old friend, Steve, wrote this book and sent me a signed copy! I'm excited to jump in and read it!

Zumba & Side Ponytails!

Tonight was the first Zumba class of 2015. Afterwards, Karen wanted a picture for her blog and so Juanito and I donned some awesome side ponytails! We are so cool.

Goodbye sugar!

Tomorrow I am starting a 10 day detox where I am cutting out all gluten, dairy, sugar and processed foods. Tonight, I finished up the last of my sugary drink!

Out with Karen!

We went to see Gone Girl and then went to her house and talked for hours! Fun night of catching up!

Sirius Radio Rocks

I am going to have a hard time giving up my Sirius radio next month. The songs that show up on my selected stations are ones that I would never hear on "regular" radio!

2015 has begun!

Quiet morning reflecting on what the new year will hold.